I seriously was misinformed about this word. This word that I think defines my life. For some reason I adequate anxiety with Fear. Being scared of things. Until last night when I saw a thing on Pinterest with the actual definition of this word. This word, that defines my life, did I realize just how wrong I was about this word. I worry about EVERYTHING. The dumbest things too. Do I yell to much? Am I not firm enough? Is this where I should be in my life? I worry if other people are happy or if I say something will they be mad. Why can't I take control of my weight? Why can't I make friends? I at least 90% of the time am worrying about one useless thing (I probably can't control anyway) or another. It's taking over my life, This word that I really had no idea what it meant. No idea the role it was playing in my life. I mean I know people that struggle with anxiety and I never would have thought to put myself in that box, until I actually read the definition. This word that I think will forever change my life.
I've often wondered about depression and yet, it just doesn't fit. I think overall I'm a very happy person, I'm blessed with great family and friends and we don't lack for much really. But yet, there is this ongoing sense of worry, Worrying about EVERYTHING. Will we find a house? If we do what will we do with the house we have? I worry about having to pack all our stuff and move it. I worry about having to re-register lily in a new school. I worry about the weird ants that have made a home in my house, or the fact that the children cry all the time. I worry that I'm not a good wife, a good mother, a good enough friend. And all of these things are not productive. They don't help anything, especially my mind set. I start off on these chains of things to worry about with one thing right after the next.
I always thought that I didn't want to talk about this. This awful feeling of dread. That I always feel even when things are going well. But maybe I should? Maybe it's not as weird as I thought? Maybe the way to fix it is to acknowledge that I may have a problem here and that my dependence on making people happy is all a way to appease my anxiety? Who knows? But I plan to find out. I plan to make some steps in the right direction with this and see what comes of it. Learn to breath, try to break this terrible cycle of worry. Talk to my doctor. You can bet your butt, now that I think I know what's going on, I intend to make it better.
Yup! We made it a WHOLE YEAR. I can hardly believe it. Happy Birthday Claire Bear!
At 12 months Claire:
...has 7 teeth, three of which are still working their way into that cute little mouth of hers.
...stands independently and walks with assistance
... babbles incessantly and says a few words.
...laughs hysterically when you tickle her on her chest.
(I think there might be some face that ISN'T covered with cake...no, wait...there isn't)
...had her first ear infection at her one year checkup.
...loves to be the center of attention
...weighs in at 18lbs 8oz. (One pound lighter than lily was at the same age) And she sits right at about 5% for weight.
(Sisters, Lily of course opened all Claire's presents and has even claimed a few of them)
...loves her big sister more than anyone else in the world.
...actually will try to take a few steps on her own.
...has been both challenging and rewarding over the last year. Pushed us to our limits and then brought us back in with that gorgeous smile of hers.
...has a very sensitive soul. Fun, playful, thoughtful and thinks things through before she does anything.
...even though she wakes up early she is NOT a morning baby. She rarely will just wake up and babble or play alone. She wants out of her prison (also known as the crib) as soon as she's awake.
...still wakes up in the middle of the night occasionally.
...has completely given up the bottle in lieu of a soft top sippy cup.
(She went straight for the frosting)
...thinks it's the funniest thing ever when you tickle her inner thighs.
...loves anything with buttons and knobs.
...can dance like it's nobody's business and I can honestly say, my girl has moves.
(what? Wait until it's OUT of the box? No way)
...says "hi" "momma" "dadda" "up" and "pup" My favorite is when she puts anything resembling a phone to her ear and says "HI"
...is beautiful and amazing and I really couldn't imagine life without her. My girls love each other and they play together and I can see them growing and changing together and it really is amazing that Adam and I created these two beautiful little people. I can't wait to see what the next year brings!
It was a good weekend. Miss Lily and I went out and did some shopping together. We got her a new coat (much needed, she's been wearing the same one for 3 years) And she picked out her Christmas dress. Yes, I know it seems early but we are going to be getting family pictures done this week and I wanted to have one for her then. After we shopped for our coat and our dress then we stopped and looked at all the Barbies...So that we could tell Santa what we wanted for Christmas. Lily and I went and ate at Space Aliens together and then played a few games. Then we stopped at Goodwill to check out their Halloween stuff so we got a few things for next year as far as pumpkin carving goes, we are set.
After we got home lily laid down for a while and watched a movie and rested. Then it was such a beautiful day out that we all went outside to hang out and play. The sand was damp in the sandbox so we made a bunch of molds and tried making a few sand castles. We played outside for a couple hours (at least it FELT like a couple hours) and then we went in and hung out inside.
Now to just get them adjusted to the time change. Yesterday was a pretty productive day. I got a bookshelf moved up to the girls' room and all the books up there since the baby feels it is her sole duty to rid the earth of everything made of paper. We read most of the books up there anyway so it only makes sense. I will say the bookshelf looks really nice up there too! Lily digs it.
So I had all these great intentions of sharing my deals with you guys and helping out when I can. But really I can barely find the time to put together my own list of coupons let alone a list for everyone else. SO I thought I would share some of my favorite websites.
This site is awesome for all the printable coupons. It takes you through all 4 of the major places to get online coupons and you can stay on the same site to do it, which is a huge bonus for me. Sadly most of there match-ups are for stores we don't have. But if you shop at Target or CVS or Walgreens. It's perfect. I also really like their coupon database, which lists coupons that will be coming out in the upcoming paper, if you search by date. Let's me know if it's even worth buying a paper that week.
Disclaimer: We don't always get the same coupons they list, but it's usually pretty close.
Claire had a second flu shot appointment on Monday at 4:00. Not the most convenient thing in the world but I know how important it is for her to have the flu shot so I sucked it up. I left work at 3:30 and somehow picked up the girls and got to the clinic with like 2 minutes to spare. I still had to sit for a good 5-10 minutes and wait. Wait for them to tell me that she couldn't have it. They miss-scheduled the appointment and she couldn't have it until Thursday since that would be 1 month. Seriously? 3 days early and they won't just do it? Is it really going to make that much of a difference? Ok so we get to reschedule. We get up to the front and Lily decides not to listen to me when I asked her to do something. So I simply told her that we would not be getting any of our Halloween treats when we get home if she continues to act that way. To which she responded by throwing herself on the floor screaming. AWESOME. I finally get her to get up and again reinforced the, we will not be getting any treats tonight. And what does the appointment scheduler do? Offers her a sucker if she will stop crying and listen to mommy. Thanks bitch. OF COURSE she stopped crying, OF COURSE she says she will be a good girl and listen to mommy now. You gave her what she was crying for. Little do you know lady that the second we got out of your office I made her put that sucker right in my purse and told her she could have it when she could learn to act like the good girl I know she is. I wish I had been able to keep my temper so I could have politely told you where you could stick that sucker while making a point to my 3 year old and to you that it's not ok to undermine a parent when they are trying to teach a valuable lesson to a kid whose freaking out over candy.
So what did Lily learn? If mommy says no treats all I have to do is freak out and scream and annoy the receptionist enough and she'll give me candy. I win, I act the way I want and get what I want.
Nice message to send my kid lady. Nice message.
On a related note, I'm kinda getting tired of the fact that everywhere I take Lily people try to give her stickers or suckers or whatever. I mean I really do get it and if she's being a good girl then I'm totally fine with her having a little treat. But it's gotten to the point where now when we go to the store, she asks where her sticker or her treat is if she isn't handed one at the checkout. So what do I do? I've told her that it's not something we can expect and have every time...but she's three and I don't think the message is getting across. Do I politely decline their offer of a treat for her, even if she IS being good? I'm just not sure. Also, I'm curious. Am I the only one who is having a hard time with this?
Well Halloween went off without a hitch in our house! Lily was Rapunzel and Claire was Pasquel the kitty cat. Yes, I'm aware that that is not how it works but I couldn't find a lizard costume and Lily seemed happy with it. We took them to grandma's house and then out to trick or treat. Lily got pretty tired pretty early on. Not sure what was up with that, but she's three and I've come to realize that the moment you actually DO understand them then you are just as crazy as they are. So I don't really try anymore. Basically daddy got to carry her between houses. But both girls did great. Lily got a lot of extra candy for Claire since we didn't bring a bucket for Claire. I did not expect people to give candy to the baby, I mean it's not like she'll really eat it anyway. Oh well, Lily was excited so that's all that matters.
We carved pumpkins over the weekend and while Lily threw a temper tantrum of epic proportions on Saturday so we did not get to go and pick pumpkins together, I went and picked some up. And since we did it early on Sunday morning we avoided any major meltdowns before the fun could be spoiled. I think that's really a key with her, getting things done in the morning since she REFUSES to nap for me. Sure, she'll lay quiet for about an hour, but it doesn't seem to matter much in the end. Lily of course had a blast picking all the pumpkin guts out of the pumpkins and she helped carve the faces on them. And of course seeing them all lit up was pretty cool for her too!
I promise, I do have pictures, of all the above stuff, I just have to bring my camera in one of these days, It's been while since I posted some new pictures on here.
I can't believe that it's November and it's time to start planning Thanksgiving and Christmas shopping and all that fun stuff. This year has really been flying by.
Up next tomorrow.... Claire's ELEVEN month update...How did THAT happen?
Also, poor girl gets to go and get a flu shot tonight. :-(