Inspired by a friends blog, it got me thinking about Lily. About what an easy time we had getting pregnant, and besides being so ridiculously sick for most of my pregnancy, how easy of a time we had with it. I always had thought to myself that if I couldn't have a baby it was meant to be that way. But now, after reading her entry I find myself wondering what we would have done in their shoes? Would we have given up? I mean, knowing what I know now about how wonderful Lily is and how amazing it is to be a mom I'm pretty certain my answer would be we'd go through the same. But had you asked me that 2 years ago when we started trying for a baby, I'm not so sure.
I found myself crying at her thread. Really feeling for them and while I can only imagine a fraction of what they went through, I am so thankful everyday for the easy time we had with Lily. And how lucky we are that things worked out the way they did for us.
Lately I've been feeling a little lost in life. I actually said to Adam last night that the only two things I feel secure and good about right now are him and Lily. There is no question in my mind that I love Adam. Despite many jokes, we are truly partners. We love each other even when we hate each other. And of course Lily. My amazingly smart (not so) baby girl. She brightens my day, everyday with her smile and her wacky sense of humor. Her love of books and learning new things.
But everywhere else, I'm just lost. I feel lost at work. I like my co-workers, the flexibility I have here and of course the pay. But I hate that I have nothing to do. I hate that the days drag on and mostly I hate that I'm so bored that all I want to do is eat, which is not helping me at all on my quest to be healthy and make better choices. I need to change. But can't afford to do so.
But today, on this Friday before a nice long weekend, I think I'll just be thankful that we have been so lucky. So fortunate to not have to struggle. So blessed to have an amazing little girl with minimal effort.
Thank you Sarah for putting that into perspective for me.
Oh my heavens what a sweet post! I always thought I could have kids when we wanted and were ready and the surprise that it isn't quite so easy was a real eye opener to my sense of entitlement. You never know the depths you will go to for something you really want until you are faced with the possibility it can't happen. You guys are great parents and it shows, little Lily is always so smiley and happy. I have always said you can tell how good of a job the parents are doing by how happy their kids are. It shows she is being raised in a loving, stable, happy home and that counts for so much! Hang in there, the job being boring really sucks, I have so been there and have days where I still am there. But reflect on what you can do to make changes for a more positive day, there might be a few little things you can do that make a world of difference.
ReplyDeleteMiranda. I love this post, it is so very honest and so very you.
ReplyDeleteYou've given me some things to ponder as well (as if I don't have enough to think about right now). What if Keith and I can't have kids? What if it doesn't happen within a year of when we start trying? Do we keep trying? Give up? Adopt? It will be tough because when and if that happens to us, Keith will probably be eek 45 and I don't know if Keith is willing to be a first time father at that age. Yet, I know we aren't in a position to move things up any.
Sigh. Why do these decisions have to be so tough :-(.
Thank you for this post though. It does remind me to be happy for the awesome husband and extended family that I have.