The truth is...

I'm terrified.  I have a few options in front of me in the coming months.  Most of them being career related. I'm surprisingly at ease about having another baby, maybe because I've been through that change before and sorta know what to expect.  But when it comes to Jobs and money it's always tough.  Sometimes no matter how well prepared you are for something you just really don't know what to expect.

So for those of you who don't know.  For a long time now I've wanted to figure out a way to be a stay at home mom.  I really think I would rock at it, but as with every option in front of me, there are downsides and I'm just not sure which option is the right one for our family.

Option 1:

Go back to work after 6 weeks home with Lily and Claire.

Pros:
1. I get out of the house and stay in the field I work in with great hours, flexible schedule and  an overall great work environment.
2. We do have the extra income from my job too
3. I can keep contributing to my 401k and we have more security if something should happen to Adam's job.

Cons:
1. Whoever does daycare for us gets to see my kids more hours in the day than I do.
2. My house will continue to perpetually be dirty (until the kids are old enough for us to force them to do chores)
3. Even with the extra income I bring in we STILL will basically live paycheck to paycheck and struggle at times.
4. Our Childcare expenses will be more than our mortgage per month

Option 2:

Me staying home

Pros:
1. I can set our own routine and be with my kids.
2. I will actually have time to keep up with the housework
3. We don't have to pay childcare
4. I think I would be really great at being a stay at home mom.
5. I could take the kids to playgroups and activities I can't do while I'm working.

Cons:
1. Money will be tight. VERY tight.
2. I would actually be sad to leave my job and kinda worried about having to re-enter the job market someday.
3. I like the social aspects of having the kids in daycare and that they can play with other kids.

Option 3

Me staying home with some sort of smaller income:           

Pros:
1. I can set our own routine and be with my kids.
2. I will actually have time to keep up with the housework
3. We don't have to pay childcare
4. I think I would be really great at being a stay at home mom.
5. I could take the kids to playgroups and activities I can't do while I'm working.
6. Depending on the job, we would have the extra income.
7. If I took in other kid/s then mine would get more of the social aspect that I'm looking for.

Cons:
1. Have to FIND another source of income (taking in kids, donating plasma etc.) Which is not as easy as it sounds.
2. Money will probably still be tight.
3. I would be sad to leave my current job and would probably miss the adult time.

So I'm sure there is more pros and cons that I can't think of right now.  But I think that is the overall idea of it.
In the end I may end up getting laid off here at work and then we'd have to re-evaluate some options at that time.  We are having a hard time making the choices because it really just seems there is no clear cut choice for us right now.  Financially, emotionally or whatever.  It just all depends on the circumstances and how things play out.

I hate having things up in the air like this.